Why bother speaking?

I once was asked why I don't really talk too much about myself.  Yes I do actually talk about myself but not as much as you might think.  I will tell everyone the same things over and over again.  Certain things I won't tell anyone.  It's just the way I am.  I mean, how many people can honestly say they REALLY know me?  No one really can.  For example:  I can't think of 1 person who could name my favorite book.  If you can find someone, let me know.  (It's not as easy as you think...)
  
Why is this?  Because I don't see the point in getting that close to people.  I think I might be cursed.  Every time I find someone that I would consider anywhere close to being my "best friend" (this does not include my brother and sister-in-law who are by default my best friends because they are the closest I have), they leave. 

My most recent best friend currently hates me and refuses to speak to me.  I know part of it is my fault.  It just sucks because I opened up to him.  Let me explain; it's not the fact that I opened up to him, it's the fact that every single person I actually REALLY open up to disappears.  I don't know if they freak out or something or just get annoyed with me.  I just tend to find these people (obviously not the right ones apparently) and stick to them, opening up about me, the real me. 

Do I scare them off?  Do they think I am some sort of mental case?  Honestly I think I will just stick to talking to my therapist about the deeper stuff.  That's what I pay her for.  I found it hysterical that at the end of our session last week she actually thanked me for opening up to her. 

I don't know.  Maybe I am just in a funk.... It happens from time to time... I am stuck in a rain cloud that won't go away.  Maybe I am just living in a world (my mind) where I am just waiting for the sun to come out. 

It's not all bad though.  At least I have my cat and my family and my friends (who kind of know me but not as well as they may think...).  At least I have something to cling to, something to look forward to....

Who knows.... Maybe I will eventually find someone to share the real, whole me with.... Who can even answer correctly when I ask what my favorite book is.....